Ode to selfish making

People, who craft something for others, amaze me. Truly. They use their time, energy and resources to make things for their family or friends or maybe even to sell. I am very different. I don’t enjoy crafting for others - in fact it stresses me out. And for a long time, I felt really bad about this. 

I have written before that I am quite selfish in my knitting and sewing. Using my time, my financial resources for materials and mostly my mental capacities, I aspire to create something I will 100% like. Do I always achieve this? No, but it is both the process and the results that I enjoy in the end. 

This is not to say that I *never* make anything for anyone. When I really like someone, they might be a benefactor of my making. But it comes at a price - for me - that I have learned to be aware of.

Being nice to myself 

I definitely have high expectations of myself and my crafting. When I make something for others, my mind transfers those into perceived external expectations, which I do not deal with well. Often there is also a deadline which adds time pressure, if it is a birthday present, for example. Both issues I handle better when the making is just for me. Usually, I can just remove the time pressure completely and by now, I have learned a few good ways to deal with my own 'perfection tendencies'. I just prefer being nice to myself.

Learning new things

I love learning about different types of yarn or fabric, new embroidery techniques or how to alter a sewing pattern. Ultimately, I simply want to knit or sew clothes that fit. Whether it is my long legs or broad shoulders, I can adapt the patterns perfectly to suit me. I simply can’t achieve the same level of alterations for others, because their body is not always around when I work on something for them. 

My motivation to constantly develop myself is also selfish when I am being creative. Almost never am I motivated to learn something new in order to give the end result away. So, when I craft for someone else, I surprisingly often fall back on easy patterns or techniques that I already know and have tried out. 

Going against the norm that is capitalism

Something that a lot of makers hear, when other people like our handmade pieces, is: "Oh, you should sell that!" or "You could make money with that!" I know that it is usually meant as a compliment. But hidden in these statements is the pervasive belief that our creativity only becomes 'worth something' on the market. Capitalism wants us to believe that only if we make money, are our products (or we) valuable.

I know that this belief is prevalent and many societies live by it (or strive for it), but to me this is nonsense! In particular, marketing and selling creativity as a way of expressing emotions, is deeply repugnant to me. 

But when you only make for yourself and your own pleasure, you go against the norm. Your pieces become non-marketable - because they don’t need to be. Because you don’t want them to be. Creativity for yourself is not marketable. And yet it is worth so much more. As such, it’s my own little pièce de résistance to keep my creations for myself.

It’s self love 

My crafting practice is a little bit of defying external expectations, a little bit of motivation to constantly learn new things and a little bit of passion to finally have clothes that fit. But mainly it is self love. I wonder if it can be self-love if I sew or knit for others? The activity is then reduced to the actual making and for me that is not enough. 

It is perfectly legitimate to have a hobby just for yourself. To have found something that appeals to your senses and challenges you mentally. It helps me switch off my overactive mind and express myself artistically. The fact that it is also a small act of rebellion gets bonus points from me.

I say this lovingly, but my creativity is for me.